


Step-Two-Three

by HiddenDirector



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 05:51:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2337542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenDirector/pseuds/HiddenDirector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard, Thane, Miranda, Jacob, Tali, and Garrus go to a party held by the Alliance Elite. Unfortunately Tali, Garrus, and Thane aren't exactly invited, being non-humans. But if anyone can get through this, it's the crew of the Normandy SR-2. Maybe they can even teach those humans a few things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Step-Two-Three

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Mass Effect or any of the people, places, or things associated with it. Those all belong to Bioware. Please don’t sue me.
> 
> Note: I began writing this back before Mass Effect 3 came out, so it takes place during the course of Mass Effect 2. However, it luckily doesn’t interfere with the timeline of the games any, so yay! This is, of course, based around my Mass Effect Shepard, Pomona “Po” Shepard and her relationship with Thane. It doesn’t really go anywhere specifically in the timeline of the second game, so don’t worry too much about that.

The crew of the Normandy SR-2 had never seen their commander look so nervous or agitated as when she walked into the conference room that day. Her usual tight, black ponytail was particularly frazzled, and she neurotically chewed a thumbnail as she paced back and forth. After a moment she finally paused her trek, turning to her crewmates and opening her mouth, finger raised to make a point. Her dark red lips then closed again and she resumed her pace.  
"Geez, Shepard, I'm getting dizzy just watching you," Jacob finally spoke up, glancing next to him at Miranda, who simply shrugged. "What's got you in such a fix?"  
"Yes, you must tell us," Tali agreed. It was making her nervous to see their usually unshakable leader so tizzied. "If there is something wrong, perhaps we can assist."  
Shepard finally stopped again, facing them. "I just got a message from a very wealthy, influential member of the Citadel. They have made a request that many of you may find… distasteful. I understand if any of you wish to back out."  
"Come on, Po," Zaeed gave a confident grin, leaning back and placing his feet on the conference room table. "When's the last time we turned away anything difficult? The impossible's practically our specialty."  
"I understand that. However, this is very different from what we usually do. We're not charging in, guns blazing, destroying mercenaries or Geth."  
"Oh? Then what are we doing?" Miranda asked, curiosity peaked.  
Pomona Shepard leaned on the table between Thane and Garrus, taking a deep breath. "A party."  
There was a pause as everyone simply stared at her. They seemed to be gauging whether or not she was serious.  
"A… party?" Garrus echoed cautiously.  
Po cringed. She was expecting this reaction. "Yes. The woman who called is very close to the Council and is holding a party in celebration of some big charity donation or something, whatever it is rich people celebrate. She wants us to come as a 'good will' gesture to the Alliance. She's willing to pay us just for showing up."  
"That's it?" Jack asked in disbelief, pushing herself off the wall. "That's the big mission? Get paraded around a party just so some Council bitch can show her friends that she's such great friends with the Alliance?"  
"That's about the skin of it," Po replied, shaking her head. "I know, it's not what we're used to, but…"  
"But shit, I'm out," Jack snapped, giving her the hand and marching out.  
Commander Shepard sighed, looking at the disbelieving faces of her crewmates. "As I said, any of you want out, go ahead. Now's the time to tell me. I don't blame you."  
Zaeed's feet slid off the table and hit the ground with a 'clunk'. "The rich and famous scene's not exactly my bag. I'd rather stick to dirty back alleys and seedy bars. At least I know who to trust there." He, too, disappeared through the sliding electric doors.  
"I was wondering why Grunt and Legion weren't here," Garrus commented, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "Not exactly invited, I'll take it."  
"I didn't think either would be even close to properly socialized for any kind of party," Po smirked. "What about you? Think you'd like to come with me?"  
The Turian considered the question for a moment. "What the hell, why not? I've faced Geth, Reapers, and even the Shadow Broker's army with you. I think I can handle a social gathering."  
"You've obviously not witnessed many obvious political ploys," Miranda grinned. "I'm in. I'd like to see the Citadel's political powers for myself. What do you say, Jacob? Escort me to a proper upper class party?"  
"Ah, sure, why not?" Jacob shrugged. "Who knows? Might be fun."  
"Tali?" Po asked.  
The Quarian shook her head. "No, I'm sorry, Shepard," she apologized sincerely. "I'm afraid the very thought of being in a room with all of those wealthy political powers makes me nervous. What if I start talking too much, or too fast? Or about something they can't understand? What if something happened to my suit? Or…"  
"Alright, alright," the commander raised her hands in a calming gesture. "I get the picture. No parties for you. No need to panic on me." She turned to the resident Asari Justicar.  
"No. My duties do not include catering to the whims of the egotistical," Samara simply answered the unspoken question.  
"Will have to decline as well. Not good in social events. Very awkward. Always end up saying the wrong thing. Offending someone. Scaring others. Very unpleasant," Mordin added.  
"Very well," Po nodded.  
"I'll have to say no as well," Kasumi spoke up. She had been quiet up until now, causing the rest of the crew to forget she was there. Jacob even jumped a bit when she spoke. "Due to my occupation, I shouldn't make public appearances. Besides, in a wealthy home I would likely find myself subject to… temptation." She then silently left the room, as if to signify her point.  
"Alright," Po sighed, looking at the remaining members of her team. "So that means it will be Miranda, Jacob, Garrus, and I. And… Thane, darling?" She turned to her Drell lover, looking hopeful.  
Thane watched her for a moment, hesitating. "I'm sorry, Siha, but I can't. It's… hard for me to explain, but believe me when I say it's for the best. I hope you will have a good time, however." He stood up, tearing his eyes away from her disappointed stare and leaving quickly before she could pursue the subject.  
The female commander stared after him, looking confused for a moment. Garrus finally put a hand on her arm. "Don't worry about it; I'm sure it's nothing, commander. Tell you what, how about I escort you?"  
Po turned back her him and forced a grateful smile. "Thank you, Garrus. I don't want to be a bother."  
"No, no bother at all. After all, no man should face this kind of terror alone, right?"  
She chuckled, breaking into a legitimate smile this time. "You're right. Really, I'm grateful." She looked at the three teammates that would join her on this most unusual mission, standing straight again. "Alright. We'll be docking at the Citadel in oh-nine-hundred hours. I want you all to be dressed in your best, got it?"  
"Yes, ma'am!" the three nodded, grinning.  
"Good. Dismissed."

()()()()()()

Thane sat at his desk in the Life Support room of the Normandy, seemingly deep in thought when Shepard opened the door, stepping in carefully.  
"…Thane? Lover?" she cautioned a call to him, standing in the middle of the room uncertain. It was the first time since they had been together that she felt so nervous talking to him.  
"Yes?" Thane's black eyes traveled from the desk up to her.  
Her stomach clenched nervously. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to try and pursue whatever insecurity caused him to turn down her invitation. "Can we… er… talk?" she asked.  
"Of course," the Drell sat up straight and gestured to the chair on the other side of the desk. "What do you need?"  
Po sat down, clearing her throat. She could usually ask him anything. But the way he rushed off when she asked him to go to the party? It seemed like something had really hit a nerve. "I just wanted to know, if you don't mind I mean… why aren't you escorting me to the party?"  
Thane considered the question, hesitating again. Any other question he would gladly answer for her, no matter how personal or odd. However, he simply didn't like talking about this subject. "I simply do not feel… comfortable with the idea of being around all of these wealthy people."  
"Why not? I mean, they're just political figures. And we're appearing as the crew of the Normandy. It's how they'll be seeing us, no matter what we used to do."  
"Why are you pushing this so hard with me?" Thane asked, leaning forward again. "After all, you let the others decline without so much as a question."  
"It's just that you and I haven't been on a proper date since we started being together," Pomona admitted, looking a bit embarrassed. "Most of the time when we're leaving the ship, it's for a mission and involves us just killing enemies. It's not that I don't enjoy watching you work, or spending time with you here on the ship, don't get me wrong. But I simply thought it would be fun to go to this party together."  
Thane looked thoughtful for a moment. "I wanted to ask you about this, as a matter of fact. This 'mission' doesn't seem like you. It's not like you to cater to the whims of the wealthy or politically empowered. What makes this so different?"  
It was the commander's turn to hesitate. "I didn't really want to say anything, because it seems like I'm trying to take sides in the politics, but… the woman who invited us, Korina Lilith? She's a friend of my mother's."  
"Ah, your mother. Hannah, I believe you said. Are you doing this for her then?"  
"No, not really. I mean, I don't think so. I don't really know, I guess. It just seems like if I don't go then I'll hurt mother's relationship with her."  
"You know that your mother's relationships are not your responsibility, Siha. You shouldn't worry about it so much that you have to allow someone to take advantage of you."  
"It's not just about them," Po shook her head. "I really wanted you and I to be able to go together. And you're avoiding the question, by the way."  
Thane cringed. He'd almost completely deflected the question by turning the subject to her. It was a dirty tactic, he knew, but he felt it needed to be done. "I told you, I simply don't feel comfortable…"  
"I know that's a load of rubbish, dear," his lover cut him off, pursing her lips. "You're hiding something. Whatever it is, I promise I won't judge you for it. Just tell me."  
There was a moment's silence before he let out a breath and gave in, leaning forward on his desk. "Very well, you win. I really can't hide anything from you, can I?"  
"Not a thing," Po replied in good humor. "Now spill."  
"Well, if I were to escort you to this party, then we would be expected to do certain… socially acceptable behaviors, correct?"  
"Of course. We'd socialize, fake a few laughs, enjoy some of those little toothpick-cheese-things…"  
"…dance?"  
"Yes, of course. It's a party, we'd be expected to share at least one dance, otherwise we'd look as if we really didn't want to be…" Po trailed off as a realization came to her. "…darling? Are you trying to tell me… you can't dance?"  
The Drell found himself cringing again. "I'm afraid someone in my profession doesn't have much time to learn such things. The Hanar certainly weren't going to teach me."  
"Is that all that's concerning you?" Po asked, trying not to laugh. "Dancing?"  
"I assumed you wouldn't want to go to an event that involves dancing with someone who doesn't know how," Thane replied, his face suggesting that he didn't see what was so funny.  
"It's not that hard, darling. Certainly easier than our jobs," the commander grinned, standing up. She was relieved. He had concerned her that something was truly wrong. If this was all he was worried about, then she could likely solve it before the party and still have the date she was hoping for. "Come on, I'll teach you."  
Thane botched, caught off guard. "Here? Now?"  
"Of course. As I said, it's not hard. Don't you Drell have perfect memories? You should be able to pick it up in no time." She held out a hand, waiting.  
Her lover looked unsure at first, but still stood and took her hand, stepping around the desk. He unsurely placed a web-fingered hand on her hip.  
"First lesson, grip the waist, not the hip," Po took the hand, pulling it upwards and bringing him in a little closer. "Good. Second lesson, stepping. The hardest part of dancing is keeping track of which foot to step with. It's best to keep an eye on your partner's feet to determine which foot they will be stepping with. You'll want to step in the same direction with the opposite foot. Thus, if I step this way with my right foot…" She took a step backwards.  
Thane quickly stepped forward with his left foot, almost throwing them off balance. "Sorry! Sorry…" he said embarrassed.  
The commander giggled, shaking her head. "No, it's okay. That was good, just… a little less enthusiastically next time, alright?" They repositioned themselves and she began again. "Lesson three is that dancing is about rhythm. You'll want to step to a beat. Since we don't have music, I'll count one out for us."  
"Very well." He still sounded unsure, trying to keep in mind to be careful how he stepped, though to always step with the same foot… no, opposite foot, same side. Not too quickly, or they lose balance, but quickly enough that he will keep up. Dancing was more complicated than she made it out to be.  
"Don't worry, you'll be fine. We have plenty of time. Now, again, with your left foot," she lifted her right foot, sliding it backwards slowly as he stepped forward with it. "And… one, two, three, one, two, three, step, two, three…"  
Poor Thane stumbled and tripped, trying to keep up with the pace. Though it wasn't a very fast beat she counted out, to his yet untrained feet it seemed hurried. His mate, however, patiently kept it up, despite the fact that he had already twice stepped on her feet and almost pulled them both down as he tried to regain balance. To the usually graceful assassin, it was embarrassing to be rendered so completely off-balance.  
"It's alright, remember to watch my feet. We have a few hours before we dock, you can learn this ye… yet!" Po yelped but kept her composure as his foot stepped on hers once again.  
"I'm sorry!" he apologized quickly, stopping his stumbling. "This is a bad idea, we should just stop."  
She looked hurt for a moment before her pale features turned determined. "I'm not letting you get out of this that easily, Thane Krios. You'll learn to dance, you'll escort me to that party, you'll take the dance floor by storm, you'll make me the envy of that crowd, and you'll like it!"  
Thane looked surprised. She'd sounded like she was barking orders on the battlefield; she was so serious about it. It was oddly fetching for the commander. So he shook his head and smiled, re-taking her waist and taking a breath. "Alright, Siha. If you say so. Where were we?"  
Po smiled and placed her hand back on his shoulder, starting over. "Your left. And… step, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three…"

()()()()()()

"Alright, are we all ready?" Miranda asked, standing at the Citadel dock in a long, black dress. "Stop fidgeting, it looks awkward," she snapped at Jacob.  
"I can't help it, it is awkward," the biotic complained, tugging at the collar of the suit she had given him. "What are you doing carrying a man's suit in your wardrobe, anyway?"  
"It never hurts to be prepared," his date reasoned, brushing a hair off of it.  
"I still can't believe you replaced me as your escort," Garrus muttered to Shepard. "You could have told me beforehand."  
"Well you should have been prepared for me to change Thane's mind about coming," Po retorted, straightening her short-cut dress.  
"I have to agree with her on that end," Thane smiled. "Her ability to change a mind is astounding." His suit wasn't as well-fitting, and had an open chest, but it was required to be so to cater to his condition.  
"So I'm going to be the only one showing up without a date?" the Turian asked.  
"No, no, don't worry. I made some arrangements," Po grinned.  
"You did? With who?"  
"Here she comes now."  
At that moment, Tali jogged up to them, waving. "Sorry I am late; I had to double check some readings on the ship before I left. You did not wait long, did you?"  
"Tali's my date?" Garrus asked, sounding a bit disbelieving.  
Behind her mask, she gave him an indignant look. "Be grateful. If it weren't for Shepard, I would not be coming at all." She took his arm, huffing. "Whatever you do, do not embarrass me. If I am going to this party, I would at least like to make a good impression."  
"Me? Don't embarrass you? Weren't you the one worried you'd embarrass yourself earlier?" Garrus asked incredulously.  
"That is two strikes. I dare you to get that last one," the Quarian warned.  
"Hey, why do I have to dress in this itchy suit and she doesn't have to dress up at all?" Jacob asked as they walked down the dock.  
"Because I do not exactly have a 'best dressed environmental suit'. This was made for function, not fashion," Tali informed him. She punched Garrus in the arm she clutched as he rolled his eyes. "Not a word! I have already warned you!"  
"I didn't say anything!"  
"You were thinking it!"  
Po groaned, leaning her head against her date's shoulder. "Maybe this was a bad idea…"  
"Oh, no. We are not backing out of this after you put me through the embarrassment of dance lessons," Thane whispered to her, shooting a glance to his fellow crewmates to make sure they hadn't heard. They were too busy bickering to notice them, however.  
"Don't worry; I'm not cowering away from this. Everything I've faced, I can handle a little humiliation at the hands of my crewmates."

()()()()()()

"Pomona! How good to see you!"  
"Ms. Lilith, it's always a pleasure," Po hugged her mother's friend as she swept over to the six crewmembers of the Normandy dramatically.  
"Please, Pomona, call me Karina!" The party was exactly as they had imagined. Set in the main room of a penthouse suite, nothing but the most privileged people hovering around the trays and talking amongst themselves, likely about each other.  
"Only if you'll call me Po," Commander Shepard smiled.  
Karina waved it off as if it were a silly request, gazing around at her crewmates, the enthusiastic look fading with three of them. "And what a… colorful group of friends you've brought to grace my home. I can honestly say it is… not quite what I was expecting."  
Po's smile fell into a frown as she was afraid she knew where this was going. And judging by the looks of her teammates, they knew as well. "What were you expecting? You had said I could bring my teammates."  
"Yes, well…" the grandiose woman looped an arm through Po's pulling her away from her date and to the side. “You see, when I said you could bring your crew, I meant… well…" she seemed to be trying to look for a tactful way to say it. "That is to say, this is a party to support the Alliance military, dear."  
"You're trying to say you don't want non-humans at your party," Po replied bluntly.  
"Essentially, yes. You see… the presence of a Quarian, a Turian, and a Drell may make some of my guests a teensy-bit nervous, and I don't want them to get the wrong impression."  
"If they leave, I leave," the commander said flatly.  
"Now, now, Pomona, let's not be hasty," Karina said quickly, waving the idea away again, as if it would cause it to vanish. "I suppose having some other races would be more… interesting. No need to kill the party atmosphere."  
"Good," she smiled. "If you'll excuse me, my date and I want to try some of those little cubes of cheese on the toothpicks. You do have those, right?"  
"O-of course." Karina seemed to be caught off guard, as if she'd expected a soldier to be more refined. "At least let me introduce you and your crew first."  
"Fine, but make it quick. I've been looking forward to them all day."  
"Very well," the wealthy woman nodded, quickly heading into the middle of the crowd. The six crewmembers of the Normandy followed, heads turning and whispers following them. "Attention! May I have your attention please?" she announced, which seemed pointless and silly as by now the entire room was turned toward them already. "I would like to introduce you to my guest of honor, Pomona Shepard, first human Spectre, commander of the Normandy SR-2, and daughter of my close, personal friend, Hannah Shepard!"  
Everyone broke into applause, as Po simply nodded to them, waiting for this circus to be over.  
"And of course, she has brought along some of her crewmates. Pomona, would you please introduce them for us?"  
The commander nodded, stepping aside. "My most recent teammates here are Miranda Lawson and Jacob Taylor, both very capable soldiers and possibly the best in each of their respective fields," she introduced, the two humans both nodding to a good applause. "These two here have been my friends and colleagues for much longer, and I trust them with my life. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy and Garrus Vakarian." The two of them met some polite applause, likely for being heralded as such great teammates. "And this is Thane Krios. Though we haven't known each other long, he is my closest companion and soldier, and more importantly my darling." This time the clapping was a bit scattered and awkward, but drowned out by the whispering the crew knew was caused by the latter part of the introduction. It simply seemed unheard of, a human and a Drell, to this crowd.  
"Well, how very… nice for you all! Well, don't let us keep you from enjoying the party, come now, and let us return to our enjoyment!" Karina quickly waved everyone back into their conversations. They all, however, quickly started speaking of the new development, casting glances at the newcomers.  
"Did you really have to introduce us like that?" Tali asked, looking embarrassed, despite the inability to see her true features.  
"Indeed, it did seem a bit… exaggerated," Thane agreed uncomfortably. He wasn't used to being put into a spotlight like that, let alone suddenly being the subject of everyone's conversations.  
“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing,” Po huffed, though in all truthfulness that was simply a moment of passionate revenge for having had her team insulted to her face by the woman whom had invited them. “Now, I was promised cheese-cubes. If I don’t get any, I’m going to get cranky. And you guys know what I’m like when I’m cranky.”  
“Cheese-cubes it is! Jacob, help me find cheese-cubes!” Miranda quickly pulled her date away from their group, exaggeratedly making a show of looking at the hors d’oerves plates.  
“Great, the only two people no one was talking about just abandoned us. Now I know how it feels to be thrown to the wolves,” Garrus groaned.  
“Do not be silly. Barely anyone’s talking about us either. Pretty much everyone is talking about the commander and Thane,” Tali pointed out.  
“Thanks. Now I feel much better,” Thane sighed.  
“Okay, can we concentrate on…?” Po suddenly gasped, pulling Thane away. “Cheese-cubes!” She dragged him over to a startled butler, who was holding a tray of toothpick-impaled-cheeses. “Oh my god, look at them all! Are these all… fancy cheeses?”  
The butler looked from her to her date, who was rubbing his face with a hand in embarrassment. “Er… yes ma’am. Many of them are very rare, especially to find here on the Cita-”  
“Which one should I have first? Ooh, what’s this one?” the commander pointed to one of the cubes of white cheese.  
“That is an excellent choice, ma’am, that would be a-”  
Po cut him off again, taking the entire tray off his hand. “Nevermind, I’ll just take them all. Come on, darling; let’s find a place to sit!”  
“Ma’am, I ask that you…! Oh, never mind…” the butler gave up as Po dragged her date over to a couch, plopping down on it and putting the tray on the coffee table in front of it.  
Meanwhile, Garrus and Tali decided to wander over to one of the walls where a giant piece of art was displayed. Garrus let out a low whistle. “Would you look at that?”  
“I see it. And it’s interesting. Er… what is it?” Tali asked, turning her head one way.  
The human guests around them were busier staring at them. “I beg your pardon but… er… do they have art on… what planet are you from, sir?” one of the women asked.  
“Palaven,” Garrus answered, giving her a strange look. “And of course we have art. It’s not really… well… it’s very different from this. What is it?”  
“It’s supposed to be an artistic representation of the human struggle among the alien species of the Citadel using classic expressionism to portray a post-modernistic view of passion and tragedy,” one of the men explained as if it were supposed to be the most obvious answer.  
“Ooooh,” Tali replied, tilting her head to the side.  
Garrus was tilting his the other way. “From this angle it kind of looks like the drive core on the ship.”  
Tali tilted that way. “It does!”  
They didn’t notice, but behind them several of the other guests were tilting their head that way as well. “Well, I’ll be damned,” one man muttered.  
Across the room, Miranda and Jacob abandoned their duty of finding the commander’s precious cubes, as she had already found them, and were instead mingling with the crowd.  
“So, what’s it like to have to fight alongside all of those… aliens?”  
Jacob rolled his eyes. If he didn’t know Miranda would probably hit him for it, he would have said something uncivilized in response.  
“We’re just as much aliens to them as they are to us,” Miranda pointed out, taking a sip of champagne. “I believe the term ‘other races’ would be more fitting.”  
The man who’d asked looked at her as if she were crazy. After a moment, his date chimed in, “Is it true Commander Shepard and that… thing are dating?”  
“That ‘thing’ has a name, you know,” Jacob snapped. “It’s Thane. And he’s not a thing, he’s a Drell.”  
“But yes, they are indeed ‘dating’,” Miranda interrupted him before he could say anything else that might get them kicked out of the party. She didn’t particularly care for the higher class snobs herself, but she didn’t want to embarrass Po. Well, anymore than Po was already embarrassing herself. “It’s really very sweet, actually. It isn’t easy to find someone while you’re in the middle of a war.”  
“But why a… what did you call him, a Drell?” the woman persisted. “Why not a human?”  
“Why not a Drell?” Miranda challenged, though still sounding pleasant.  
“It’s just… it’s unnatural!” the woman hissed.  
A flamboyant man next to her chimed in, “Wouldn’t that be something like, I don’t know, bestiality? They’re not the same species.”  
“Neither are Asari, but I see humans with them all the time,” Jacob pointed out.  
“That’s different,” the woman’s date pointed out.  
“Speak for yourself,” the flamboyant man scoffed into his glass.  
“I think he’s kind of sexy,” a woman nearby said lightly.  
The rest of the group turned and stared at her, the higher-class members’ jaws dropping. She blushed, glancing at the couple still sampling hors d’oerves on the couch. The rest of the group turned and stared as well. After a moment, the flamboyant man muttered, “Okay, so he’s a bit good looking. For an ali- er, other race.”

-()-()-()-

“Siha, they’re staring at us again,” Thane muttered to his date, whom was munching on what had to be her twelfth cheese-cube.  
“Oh my god, these are fantastic!” she moaned, ignoring his comment. “Why don’t we have these on the ship? I’m going to find out what cheese I’m eating and see if I can’t get some delivered here to the Citadel for pickup so we can have some on the Normandy. Here, try one.”  
Thane lifted a webbed hand, waving it dismissively. “I don’t think that would agree with me. I’ve never heard of a Drell eating cheese, thus I don’t know if it’s compatible with our digestive system. I don’t want anything embarrassing to happen. Well, more so than already has.”  
“Oh, come on, it hasn’t been that bad,” Po rolled her eyes, popping another cube into her mouth. “You guys are just getting so much attention because these people don’t spend a lot of time around intergalactic species. They’re high-class humans, elitists. They believe humans to be superior to everyone else. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”  
“Is that why you’re trying so hard to act less than classy?”  
“Maybe. Or maybe this is just how I usually act.”  
“I don’t remember the last time I saw you consume dairy products as if your stomach was replaced with a black hole.”  
The black-haired commander snickered, punching his arm. “That’s because we don’t get cheese too much on the Normandy. I love cheese. The more pungent, the better.”  
The Drell looked at her strangely for a moment, before replying. “I didn’t know that about you.”  
Po chuckled. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

-()-()-()-

At the wall with the large painting, a large crowd of high-class humans had gathered behind Garrus and Tali, leaning this way and that in unison with them as each of the two aliens came up with more things it looked like other than post-modernistic expressionism. “Oh, now it looks like a Varren fighting a Thresher Maw!” the Quarian declared delightedly. She hadn’t had this much fun in ages.  
“Ooooh…” the crowd replied, many nodding in agreement.  
“If you look at it this way it looks like the Hammerhead after Shepherd took it for a spin,” Garrus added.  
“Hmmm…” the crowd leaned his way, straining to not fall over as they tried to see it as he did.

-()-()-()-

“What about the couple over at the painting?”  
“Who, Garrus and Tali?” Jacob glanced at the two and their antics with the crowd there.  
“Yes, I think they make a cute couple,” the first woman said.  
“They’re not a couple,” Miranda corrected.  
“Oh, pity.”  
“So you think a Turian and a Quarian would make a ‘cute couple,’ but you think a human dating a Drell is unnatural,” Jacob asked flatly.  
“Well, that’s a different matter. That’s two aliens.”  
“Other races,” the flamboyant man corrected her.  
“Whatever.”  
“Like I said, they’re just as alien to each other as they are to us,” Miranda pointed out. “It wouldn’t be any different of a situation than Commander Shepard and Thane.”  
“Hmm,” the woman looked unconvinced.  
Her date seemed to be in thought. After a moment, he asked, “So you pointed out that Asari date humans, and that isn’t different than a Drell. However, the Asari date everyone.”  
“That’s because their physiology is different. They’re compatible to have children with any species, male or female,” Miranda elaborated.  
“Yes, but that begs the question, what about humans and Drell? Are they compatible for having children with each other?”  
Miranda actually had to pause for that one. “I honestly don’t know, no one has ever tried it. I can’t say I’ve known a human to date a Drell before.”  
“And compatibility to have children hardly matters, anyway,” the flamboyant man added bitterly. “After all, with my preferences I’m not having children the biological way either.”  
“Yeah, it’s kind of the same thing, you know? For the longest time being gay was considered unnatural itself,” Jacob said.  
The flamboyant man considered this a moment, then nodded. “Very well, point well taken. Perhaps it’s not so bad.”

-()-()-()-

“Attention! Attention, everyone!” Karina reappeared at the picture window showing the Citadel’s gorgeous view, clapping her hands. She looked around to assess the situation. Po and Thane were still sitting at the couch, at least three hors d’oerves trays before them with empty toothpicks covering them. Po was picking her teeth with one of them, running a tongue over them to make sure they were clean. A group of people had formed a bit around the couch, trying to look nonchalant as they watched the couple in fascination. Garrus, Tali, and their crowd of party guests turned to look at her from where they had been at almost perfect 90 degree angles at the waist looking at her painting. The rest of the party-goers were standing with Miranda and Jacob, having been in deep conversational debate with them over something or other.  
She sighed in relief. Nothing was broken, no one had left, and nobody among any of the races looked as if they had been insulted by anyone else in any way. Perhaps this night could close out without incident and she could pretend as if she had planned the multi-racial party guests the entire time.  
“Now, my dear guests, it’s nearly time for us to part ways. I know, we’ve all had a wonderful time and parting is such sweet sorrow, however it cannot be helped. However, before we go, this wouldn’t have been a proper celebration without a dance or two. So how about we clear a bit of room and share a few more memories before saying goodnight?”  
The party guests clapped politely as servants came out to move the furniture in a way that would be non-invasive but still accessible and look nice. Po and Thane found themselves forced to leave their comfortable cushioning, moving to the side as the sofa was moved. “Ma’am, may I interest you in one more tray?” the servant from before approached them, holding out one more tray of cheese-cubes.  
“Oh, don’t mind if I do,” Po took the tray and began eating.  
“Thank you,” Thane nodded to him. The servant bowed back, leaving again.  
“Come on, Garrus, I want to watch the dancing,” Tali pulled her date away from the large painting, towards where their commander stood. As they left, Garrus took one more look behind him, suddenly coming to a stop. “Uh, Tali. Look at it this way.” He gently grasped the chin of her mask, turning it at the diagonal, slightly upside-down angle he was looking.  
“What are you…? OH!” The Quarian went very silent for a moment. “That is completely indecent! Is this considered acceptable to humans?”  
The crowd around them looked at each other, then turned to mimic their movement. “I don’t understand, what are we looking for?” one woman asked.  
“That is no post-modern expressionist representation of human struggle,” the Turian answered. “It’s a page stolen from the Ashdala. Whoever made this should be ashamed of themselves.”  
“The what?” someone asked.  
“The Ashdala. It is a sacred Asari text,” Tali explained, righting herself again. “I believe your human equivalent is called the Kama Sutra.”  
Several members of the crowd blushed. One woman fainted. A few began straining their necks harder to see it.  
Meanwhile, Miranda and Jacob wandered over to the commander and Thane, followed by the flamboyant man and the woman who had expressed interest in the Drell.  
“Hey, guys,” Po greeted, finishing her last cheese-cube and balancing the tray on an expensive looking vase. She stuck the last toothpick in her mouth and held out her hand to two newcomers. “Who’re your friends?”  
“This is Lexi and Jo,” Miranda answered.  
“They decided they were open-minded enough to not be grossed out being around you,” Jacob added.  
“Nice to meet you, Lexi,” the commander said, shaking the woman’s hand.  
“I’m Lexi,” the flamboyant man huffed. “She is Jo. Joanna, to be precise.”  
“Oh. Cool,” Po shook his hand as well. “Well, as you know, I’m Po and this is Thane.”  
“What’s Po short for?” Jo asked.  
“Pomona.”  
“Wow, that’s pretty,” she cooed.  
“Thanks.”  
“It’s nice to meet you both,” Thane nodded to them. Jo blushed and giggled. The Drell raised an eye-ridge.  
“Oh, please,” Lexi rolled his eyes. He glanced at Thane. “Not you, her. Long story.”  
“Hello!” Tali and Garrus joined them a few seconds later, having abandoned the crowd to be incensed by the revelation that their representation of human struggle was actually an abstract of two Asari doing the dirty.  
“How was your portrait watching?” Miranda asked.  
“Fascinating. Though I learned more about Asari anatomy than human culture,” Tali answered.  
“Nothing I didn’t already know,” Garrus added off-handedly. At a look from the Quarian, he quickly amended, “I studied Asari anatomy during my military training. We had to study the anatomy of all races just in case.”  
“Uh-huh,” Tali replied.  
“Ladies and gentlemen!” Karina got their attention again, gesturing to the open floor in the middle of the condo. “I think four dances would be sufficient, wouldn’t you? Let us take our places as the music begins and lose ourselves in these last few minutes, shall we?”  
People abandoned their places staring at the odd group out as soon as the music started. They simply took places around the make-shift dance floor and swept across it as classical music filled the home. “Come on, Jacob. I like this song,” Miranda pulled her date to the floor.  
“Aww, man…” Jacob groaned, rolling his eyes. As if he didn’t feel out of place enough.  
“What about you two? You going to dance?” Po asked Garrus and Tali.  
“Uh, no. I don’t dance,” Garrus simply said.  
“Me, neither. I’ll trip over my feet. Or Garrus’s feet. Or someone else’s feet who’s nearby. Or…”  
“Okay, Tali, I get it,” Po laughed. “Come on, lover. You’re not getting out of it, though.” She grabbed Thane and began tugging him towards the dance floor.  
Thane took a breath, bowing his head down to avoid eye-contact with anyone. “This is a bad idea, siha. I don’t think I can do this.”  
“Don’t give me that, I taught you how to dance already,” the commander replied, putting his hand on her hip and moving closer. People were already stopping and staring at the odd couple.  
“Yes, but when we were dancing before we were alone. Everyone is… staring at us now. It’s unnerving.”  
Po rolled her eyes. “Look, don’t think about them. Don’t even look at them. Look at me, pretend we’re the only ones here, just like in the life support room. Just you and me taking it slowly.”  
Thane nodded, feeling embarrassed that he had to be reassured in such a manner for something so simple. He didn’t like being the center of attention, though. His job required him to go unnoticed by the masses, not for them to be staring at him like a bug in a jar. Having his lover instruct him in such a way was comforting, though, and he began moving his feet in the way she had taught him. His perfect memory helped and hindered at the same time. He knew what to do, but the pace of this music was very different. He had to instead keep time in his head, repeating, ‘One-two-three… step-two-three…’ He imagined it as Po’s voice, and it became increasingly easier. He cautioned a glance at Miranda and Jacob, who thankfully had the tact to not join the other humans in staring and instead continue their own dance.  
“I have to admit, he’s not bad. Not excellent, not by a long shot. But not bad,” Lexi commented from the sidelines.  
“You expected him to not be able to dance?” Garrus raised an eye-ridge at him.  
“I don’t know,” the human shrugged. “Neither of you can, so I guess I simply assumed..”  
“It’s not that I can’t,” Garrus said flatly. “I don’t like doing it.”  
“You can dance?” Tali asked in surprise.  
“Can’t everyone?” the Turian asked. When he was met with a sour look, or at least he assumed it was sour through the environment mask, he said, “Nevermind.”  
“That’s three, you bosh’tet. I’ll show you.” Tali grabbed his hand and dragged him to the floor as well, pulling him in. “I’ll show you ‘cannot dance’…” she muttered, putting his hand on her waist and starting to move.  
“Whoa!” Garrus stumbled a bit to keep up with her in his surprise, but then found the rhythm by which they were moving. At that point, they became the best dancers in the room.  
“Oh, that’s not fair,” Jacob complained, sighing. “I can’t even keep up with the three non-humans.”  
“Stop complaining, and if you step on my foot one more time I’m going to kill you in front of all these people,” Miranda cringed.  
Seeing the others dancing as well, especially Jacob who was decidedly the worst dancer on the floor, made Thane feel better and he became more confident in his steps.  
“See? This isn’t so bad,” Po smiled, leaning closer and laying her head on his shoulder. “In fact, I like it. We should dance more often.”  
Thane finally smiled and laid his chin on her tight, black pulled-back hair. “I suppose. As long as it’s not in public anymore. I still don’t like dancing in front of all these people.”  
Soon the first song ended, and everyone applauded the six-man (and non-human) show that had taken place in the middle of the living area. The next song started up, and partners were switched around among the six, other people finally taking to the floor again as their own desires to dance were reawakened.  
Jacob faltered in his steps with his commander, now even more nervous than before because of his partner, and Po sighed. “Come on, just count out the music. I already taught one person to dance today, I’m not going to teach another.”  
“Wait, you taught Thane how to dance today?” he asked in disbelief.  
“Yes, but don’t go spreading that around. He’s already embarrassed enough by everything that’s happened.”  
“My lips are sealed, captain. Hey, you think you could teach me to dance sometime?”  
“Maybe. But Thane might get jealous.”  
“Actually, I wouldn’t object,” Thane leaned towards them as he dipped Tali.  
“Hey, you never dipped me,” the commander snapped.  
“I asked him to,” the Quarian giggled. “Garrus wouldn’t do it because he was afraid he’d damage my environmental suit. It’s not exactly an advanced move, though, so I told Thane how to do it.”  
“Maybe I can dip you when we get back to the ship,” the Drell told Po in a low voice.  
“Oh, my…” the pale-skinned human wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.  
“Okay, we’re dancing this way now,” Jacob said, leading them away from the Drell and Quarian.  
“Well, it’s good to see that everyone’s having fun,” Miranda commented, turning a bit with Garrus. “I don’t know what I was expecting, but somehow I imagined firearms would be involved.”  
“Nah. That’s a Turian high-rank party. If it’s a really good one,” Garrus replied.  
“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”  
“I’ll let you determine that.”  
During the third dance, the last combination between the crew was established.  
Jacob and Tali had given up on the formal dancing, instead holding each other’s hands loosely and moving their feet in a kind of hybrid waltz-meets-club dance. Jacob was certainly doing a lot better at this than the classical dancing he was attempting before.  
“Hey, could you do me a favor?” Miranda asked Thane as they rocked back and forth.  
“That depends, what do you need?” the Drell asked.  
“Well, it’s not necessarily what I need, but rather… you know Jo, the human woman I brought over?”  
“Yes?”  
“She seems to have a bit of a crush on you. I was just wondering if for the last dance you could dance with her.”  
Thane looked unsure, glancing at the girl dancing with the flamboyant man that had also joined them. “I don’t know. I’m sure Po wouldn’t mind, but I don’t know if I would feel comfortable dancing with someone I don’t know.”  
“Come now, Thane. You’re an assassin. A soldier. You’ve faced Geth, Husks, helped shoot down war machines bigger than most buildings. Yet you won’t dance with one human girl?”  
“Well, when you put it that way…”  
“Please?”  
The Drell hesitated one more moment, then sighed. “Fine.”  
“Thank you. Now dip me, that looked like fun.”  
“Hey!” Po yelled over as Garrus spun her around. “I saw that! You owe me two dippings!”  
“Commander, please,” Garrus teased. “We’re in public.”  
“Oh, shut up.” The hand on his shoulder smacked his chest before returning to its position. “Hey, Garrus?”  
“Yes, commander?”  
“Thanks for coming with us. I don’t think Thane would have felt comfortable being the only alien here.”  
“If I remember correctly, you were the one who abandoned me as your date for this event,” Garrus let go of her waist and let her spin out until there was both of their arm-lengths between them.  
“I know, but you could have abandoned us after I did,” she pointed out. He gave her arm a tug and she spun back into his arm, back against him. They continued to step in perfect unison like this. Garrus was definitely the best dancer of the crew, surprisingly. “Again, thank you for not doing that.”  
“Bah, it was nothing,” Garrus shrugged, spinning her around so they faced each other again. “Besides, if I did that Tali wouldn’t have had a date. And I don’t remember the last time I saw her have fun.”  
“I know. You’re a lot sweeter than you let people think.”  
“Don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation to keep.”  
“I know. Hey, dip me.”  
“Now commander, do you want to make your boyfriend jealous?” Garrus asked in good humor.  
“Actually, yes. And you know me, I wouldn’t ask anyone else to dip me but you.”  
“Flatterer.”  
Po arched her back as Garrus bent her backwards. She let herself bend until she was a perfect arch, head hanging completely upside down. She lifted one foot off the ground, bending the knee of that one until her foot nearly touched her behind. “Hey, lover!” she called.  
Miranda, who was the one facing her, glanced and let out a, “Pffft…” Curiously, Thane looked behind him.  
“Garrus dips better than you!” the commander teased.  
“Oh, dear Gods…” Thane groaned, turning his back to them.  
The Turian let out a short laugh, righting his commander. “I have a feeling you’re going to be paying for that later.”  
“Completely worth it.”  
As the last dance approached, Po returned to her lover. “You’re not mad at me, are you?” she pouted.  
Thane opened his mouth to answer, then spotted Jo. He gave a bit of a devious smirk. “A little. Which is why I’m going to ask her to share the last dance instead.”  
“What?!” Po’s mouth dropped open as he moved over to the other human woman.  
“Excuse me, miss,” Thane bowed a bit, holding out a webbed hand.  
Jo turned around and blushed fully across her entire face, eyes wide. She seemed to want to speak, but couldn’t find the words.  
“May I have this dance?” he continued.  
“I… I… uh… I mean… y-yes! Absolutely!” Jo put her hand in his, allowing him to lead her to the dance floor. As his back was turned, she looked back at Lexi, pointing at Thane quickly. He gave her a thumb up.  
“Aww, that’s cute. She got her wish,” Tali cooed.  
“Excuse me?” Po asked bitterly.  
“She thinks Thane’s ‘sexy.’ She’s probably wanted to dance with him all night,” Miranda explained. “Don’t be mad at him, I asked him to do it.”  
“You!” the commander put her hands on her hips. “You’re lucky I like you so much.” She watched Jo and Thane rock back and forth across the dance floor, how ecstatic Jo looked, and deflated. “Fine. I can handle this. I just need someone to dance with, too.”  
“Not this one,” Lexi suddenly said, grabbing Garrus by the arm.  
“W-w-what?” Garrus struggled to stand his ground.  
“If Jo is going to dance with a sexy alien, so am I. And frankly between you and the Quarian, I find you more appealing. Mostly because I’m assuming you’re male.”  
“Oh, this is good,” Po snickered at the distressed look Garrus gave her as the aggressively gay man dragged him onto the floor. He was at least relieved that he was still leading.  
“Well, would you like to dance, Tali?” Po asked the Quarian, holding out a hand.  
Tali placed a three-fingered one in hers, bowing slightly. “I would be honored, my commander,” she replied.  
“Please tell me I can sit this one out,” Jacob begged Miranda as he watched the six already on the floor.  
“It’s alright. I’m done dancing, anyway.”  
“Oh, thank god. I’m gonna go get something to drink before we go, then.”  
“Get me something, too, then. I’m parched.”  
The odd match-ups of the crew attracted attention once again, though this time it was the two males and two females, each one human and one non-human. Thane was glad to be out of the spotlight this time, especially dancing with someone he didn’t know.  
“Does this make me weird?” Jo asked suddenly.  
“I beg your pardon?” Thane asked, snapping out of his thoughts.  
“That I think a Drell is attractive. Is that strange?”  
“Well, I don’t think I’m the best judge for that. After all, I’m seeing a human. You should keep in mind, however, that I am taken.”  
“I know. I just wanted to know what it was like, to dance with an al… I mean another race. Most of the people here probably think I’m kind of a freak for it.”  
“Perhaps you should worry less about what others think about you,” Thane pointed out. He spun her a bit. “After all, once you let that go, you’ll be much happier with yourself.”  
“You seem to know a lot about that kind of thing,” Jo commented.  
“I’ve spent a lot of time pondering my place in the universe. If I want others to accept who I am, I have to do the same first. Having a lover who already accepts me for who I helps.”  
“You’re very lucky. So is she, for that matter.” She went quiet for a moment, then spoke up once more. “What about if I said I wanted to join the Alliance military so I could help protect not only humanity but the other races out there as well? Would that make me strange?”  
Thane smiled. “Not at all. In fact, I’m sure Po would love to help you achieve that if you wish. The want to protect others, especially those people don’t expect you to protect, is a very noble goal.”  
“And who knows? Maybe if I do that, I can find another Drell out there who’s just as nice and sexy as you.” Her face turned red as soon as she said it, looking away from him in embarrassment. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.  
The Drell chuckled. “Perhaps. There are more than a few of us out there. Most of them better suited for someone with wishes of honor and courage.”  
Jo looked puzzled a second, then smiled back. “Thank you. This means a lot to me.”  
“You’re very welcome. Hold on tight a second.”  
“What are you…? Whoa!”  
“THANE KRIOS, I SAW YOU DIP THAT GIRL! THAT’S THREE YOU OWE ME!”

-()-()-()-()-()-

The three humans and three non-humans entered the Normandy at the dock, laughing. Miranda and Po carried their high-heels in their hands. Jacob had ripped his tie off as soon as they left the party, saying goodbye to Lexi and Jo.  
Not too many were still awake at this hour, so they had to quiet down as they entered.  
“Well, that was far more fun than I expected,” Miranda grinned. “But I think I’ll be heading to bed. Good night, everyone.”  
“Yeah, I’m gonna hit the sack, too. Night.”  
Shepard and her three other-race companions waved them goodnight as they left.  
“Shepard, I should never have doubted you. You always make the right decisions, and inviting me to come along was one of them. I had a great time,” Tali hugged her best friend and commander, then headed for the door. “But I’m afraid I must sleep as well. Good night.”  
“Invite me to the next one you go to as well. Nowhere near as violent as our usual outings, but there’s always hope for the future. Besides, maybe I can dip you again,” Garrus teased.  
“No more dipping my siha,” Thane replied. “Get going before I dip you.”  
“I’m going, I’m going,” the Turian laughed. Po swatted his backside as he went.  
The commander chuckled, looking up at her lover, who wrapped his arms around her from behind. “Maybe we should go to bed, too, siha.”  
“Good idea. You owe me a dipping.”  
“Indeed, I do.”  
“Three of them, in fact.”  
“Don’t strain me too hard, siha. You might snap me in half.”  
“Oh, believe me, I plan on straining you. A lot. Now move your feet.”  
“Step-two-three, my commander…”


End file.
